So Rich how was sitting alone for 4 days with no food in a 3-metre circle and sleeping under the stars?
Hmm, that is such a loaded question. Cathartic to say the least, incredibly expansive yet quite the challenge. I got so much out of just being in the eternal moment without any distractions other than the natural world and my inner reality.
So many highlights from the periods of preparation, the quest itself and the integration after with some amazing ceremonies to honour the powers of some of these ancient practices. A truly humbling experience.
Up there with my deep rounding experiences but more intense.
One of the big shifts was allowing some old grief to release. And here is a little share about that.
Oh how the river runs! Allowing grief to wash through me, grief I knew not I had…
Maybe triggered by the fact that all I had was the breath and the moment where you watch the sun move from dawn to dusk like the slow beating of the heart.
And I started to meander my way down the streams of my consciousness, and I came to sections that were bubbling up with old stagnant waters.
These waters were old aspects of self that I had buried deep in the dark recesses, the darkened closets of the mind. And, at stages of my life they were old friends who shaped behaviours and interactions. These friends have some pretty powerful names, betrayal, anger, resentment, and sadness.
And I took a little visit to these during my quest, ripped the masks off and just dove right down into the deep dark recesses of my psyche.
Now over the years I thought I had cleared a lot of the debris – which I know I had – but in the deep quiet moments I could see there was some lingering remnants. And if we study ourselves closely, I could see how these aspects shape certain decisions in life.
The play it safe loyal soldier…
Rather than embracing our birthright, which is to live a full vibrant radiant life unveiling our inner brilliance (whatever that may be). He keeps us small, and in the little self’s perspective out of harms way.
I see those old emotions like a secret a chain of command, that I needed to topple as I move towards the higher frequencies of life. Compassion, empathy, joy, and love. Can you imagine for a moment, living from that space, being unbounded to live with a fully open heart, never at risk of the little self-raising its head to stay small or protected? And in turn allowing all to also live that way. To me that truly is so enticing.
Yet to arrive at that space we need to break that chain. For some this may occur in an instant – good luck to them – for me it has been a journey and still is.
During the quest the big emotion that I felt was moving through me was sadness. A deep spring of ancestral sadness. I can reflect and see that in my dad (died many years ago) and I reckon those rivers ran deep through my lineage (sidenote, unless you were super close to him, you’d not have seen it, we keep this stuff pretty sage).
So, I had moments of cathartic releasing. I believe I have over the years released a lot of the heavier emotions of anger, resentment etc, but sadness was the last bastion. And I grieved not just for me but for all my ancestors, all the pains, all the fears, all the sadness.
Oh, it was so beautiful.
I was naked on the ground, bawling my eyes out, just me, the earth and sky and nature as my witness. Allowing the rivers of time to wash through me.
I will share something with you, that really hit me hard, I didn’t even really grieve when my father died, in fact I even shared with him during my grieving that I was glad he died. Yep, heavy, heavy shit.
And here I was 20 years on just unleashing the mother ship. Busting the dam walls down.
Cathartic to say the least.
And I was not getting stuck in the intellect, just allowing the energy to move through me and once it did such a deep peace washed over me. Such beautiful acceptance, I still can’t find the words to describe the experience. It falls way short, like most times we aim to describe in words the land of emotions.
Yet I share this, as it is what has come forward as I sat to write the monthly email. And I honour that. Maybe one of you can relate and grasp that sometimes if we are not truly lit up, our being is trying to get us to acknowledge and release something from within. That we have unconsciously stored in the well-house of our inner terrain.
And these inner terrains really do have such an impact on our daily lives. Little unconscious programs that the egoic mind relies on for its blueprint of its own existence.
This is why our daily practices are so important. They keep us dropping into the unbounded aspect of self. This is the source, the power that drives the heart. And also, why I continue to as often as I feel the draw to go deeper such as the quest, a retreat or other complimentary practices to allow for my constant evolution. Even when it seems arduous and painful.
Like Michaelangelo’s got the hammer and the chisel, we often just need to clear a few rough edges to allow the magic to shine through.
Till next time.
Related tag: Meditation Brisbane